So I am now officially Pupo for the 4th time. This cycle has actually been quite easy and not as terrible as I thought it would be. I was really scared of down regulation and actually, instead of making me ‘mental’ as everyone said it would, it made me happier than usual. May be having no hormones is good for me!

This cycle was different to others as I was down regged for one, which they’ve never done before, then they did an endometrial scratch (which you can read about on an earlier blog), they are treating me with Clexane in case I have any clotting problems AND they were planning on putting two embryos back. Let’s hope it bloody works!

Yesterday was transfer day after my lining read 10mm last Thursday so they were happy with me having the transfer this Thursday. On our way to the clinic they rang us to let us know that one of the embryos didn’t make the thaw which was really disappointing. But at least we have one I guess! It didn’t stop me feeling really pissed off. It was like someone punched me in the stomach when we heard.

My husband and I really have no desire to have twins, but after 3 failed cycles I would take quadruplets over no babies! I guess I secretly started getting a little excited that we could have twins. I also kept seeing twins EVERYWHERE! I was also excited that we were doing something very different from our other cycles and this one might actually work! I have 3 friends who on their 3rd or 4th cycle had a double embryo transfer and ended up with one healthy baby. I was hoping I’d be another success to add to this. Of course I’m thankful that we had one grade AB embryo transferred but I can’t help but feel a bit negative about it all.

I just can’t imagine it working any more. After going through one totally failed and two chemical pregnancies, I’m slightly broken! And really can’t imagine actually being pregnant. I’m already seeing this state of pupo as a temporary thing in my head, like, of course it won’t work, it’s me!

I’m on my way to my friend’s hen do right now in Edinburgh. Instead of flying I’m getting the train as I don’t want to put any undue stress on my body! And I hate flying!

I’m up for a chilled and distracting hen do away for the weekend! And of course I had maccys chips yesterday for post transfer…any little helps!

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