7 weeks 3 days…

I haven’t written for ages so thought it was about time I did! I hope to use this blog as a diary of sorts in future, so really need to keep it updated!

So we are officially actually pregnant.  Like with an actual baby and everything! I’m still extremely nervous and always thinking the worst as I seem to only surround myself with terrible stories.

We had our scan last Thursday at 6 weeks 5 days.  It was brought forward slightly as I experienced a lot of period type pains in my first few weeks and started to really worry.  Then, the night before the new scan time, I started to spot brown blood so of course completely freaked out and thought that was the end.  I called my parents (who are medical) and they also jumped to the worst conclusion too!  So I had a very scary negative night before the scan I must say!

The day of the scan I was SO scared.  I don’t think I have ever felt more nervous.  I think I was more nervous than when I fly! I just thought we would get there and the pregnancy either would be ectopic, too small, no heartbeat or a figment of my imagination!  But it was none of those!! It was perfect – measuring correctly, heartbeat really obvious and in the right place.  The nurse who did the ultrasound was actually who did the transfer and she was so happy with the result!  She actually seemed a little emotional.  If this pregnancy continues and we get a healthy baby at the end, she will certainly be getting a present!

We have now graduated from the clinic and under NHS care.  I have a midwife appointment next week on 11th June and the next scan will be at 12 weeks.  I am going away for the weekend on 22nd June when I will be 10 weeks, and ideally want to have a scan before I go, so am going to pay for a private scan to make sure everything is ok.

Symptoms wise, I have had quite a lot of nausea since the scan particularly but can ward it off a little with food I’ve found.  I have the biggest food aversions and things I might have liked last week I now can’t even think about without feeling really sick! It’s quite annoying as I don’t know what to eat each night for dinner and can only gauge it by thinking of different food and if I feel like I want to throw up.  I’m also absolutely knackered and really finding it hard to have any energy at work.  Also, my stomach doesn’t seem to be able to go flat(ish) any longer.  I don’t think I have a bump as the baby is the size of a blueberry, but think the uterus is maybe pushing out a little more.  Basically I can’t hide my layer of fat on my stomach any more!  Oh yeh, my boobs hurt.  Not really badly – they’ve definitely hurt more before my period but they are there for sure.  Also, they are much bigger and veiny but I don’t feel I need to buy a new bra yet.

I have had a lot of sharp pain today that have made me worry but hoping it’s just the stretching and growing going on in there.  I have also had quiet a lot of dizziness and feeling feint.  It’s all such a magical time! To be honest, I’ll take anything to make sure it’s healthy and gets here ok 🙂

13dp14dt…hanging in there…

Yesterday I saw the strongest positive I’ve ever seen in my life! It was very timely as I have been petrified of having a chemical again.  Last time I had good positives (or I thought were good positives until I saw these ones!) but they started getting lighter at 12dp5dt and on 13dp5dt I got such a light positive I did a digital and came out as ‘not pregnant’ which was a shock after seeing the words ‘1-2 weeks’ a couple of days before.  So yesterday and today have been the days I’ve been dreading and thankfully the tests have been getting stronger and stronger – and as you can see, the test line was stronger than the control line yesterday! I did do a cheapie this morning just to make sure it’s still there (yes I’ve gone mad!), and it was very positive and dark so I’m happy…for now!

I’m finding it very hard to relax and enjoy this experience as I am literally just waiting for it to go wrong.  But I also do have something in the back of my head saying it’s the one this time…oh god I hope so!  I’ve been asked a couple of times weirdly when my due date would be.  I haven’t worked this out!! I’ve been concentrating on getting past my official test date which is tomorrow, and not thinking that far into the future.  I stupidly did that last time and look where that got me.  Anyway, I do kind of know – it’s January sometime.  I’m not going to properly work it out until I need to, and when I have had a scan at least.

I follow a lot of people on social media, and although it’s lovely to share journeys with each other, it really is sad to see all of those pregnancies that go wrong.  Life isn’t fair.  It also makes me not get too ahead of myself.

So official test date tomorrow.  Ironically I’ve run out of tests! I’ve ordered some from Amazon but they won’t be arriving until later.  I might need to just grab a cheapie today to do tomorrow to officially tell them it’s all going ok.  Then we get to book the scan! What?!!!! I’m not sure whether they do this at 6 or 7 weeks, but I think it will be in a couple of weeks or so.

Work has been an absolute nightmare the last week since I’ve come back.  I’m in recruitment and a lot has gone wrong, as it often does, and had lots of very annoying and frustrating conversations internally and with clients over different matters.  I think my hormones aren’t helping here though – for example, our admin assistance at work told me she didn’t have time to do my work as she was doing everyone else’s.  Well I kicked off! I’ve had a couple of naughty law firms trying to screw me over on fees too which hasn’t gone down too well.  I’m just trying to chill and realise it’s a job and not to take it too seriously – I want a baby more than a job!

Symptoms wise – it’s pretty quiet to be honest.  My boobs have got a couple more veins but not loads.  They look no bigger, and have had a little bit of pain but nothing like I’ve felt before.  I did have itchy boobs earlier so I’m not sure whether that’s something.  I am getting frustrated quite easily, like PMT feelings.  It’s weird as I didn’t have that at all with the IVF drugs.  I’ve also been a bit annoying with my husband – he can’t do anything right, but I feel like he’s doing things specifically to annoy me!! I’m sure he’s being absolutely the same but I can’t see that.  He is good in some ways as he does do a lot of washing and cooking.  He gets home a lot earlier than me so he has a lot more time than me, which I find highly annoying! Also he has decided to find a passion in his bike that he never had before – I think just to get away from me.  I just feel a little lonely in the process as I’m the one who has to take all the drugs, remember to take the drugs, inject myself with horrible Clexane (which I’m developing a fear of) and worry about what’s going on with this pregnancy.  I can’t get away! I’m stuck in my body while he gets to escape and not have to do anything horrible to his body.  Rant over!  Poor man living with me!

My biggest symptom at the moment has to be utter exhaustion.  I have heard this is pretty normal and the tiredness at the beginning of pregnancy is overwhelming, but I’m really struggling with it and keeping my job and life going slightly! Who knows what’s going to happen when morning sickness joins the party!  Onto official test date we go….